Good News. No, not that kind of good news.lol

I received a great email last night.
For those of you who don't know, I have been corresponding via email with a potentional gestational carrier. We have developed a great relationship thus far over email. After receiving the green light from her doctor on the 15th, she has confirmed to me that she is able to move forward with being our gestational carrier! This will not be happening till April of next year. Things are looking positive. There are a lot of details to go through now..but one step at a time. It's wierd... I feel happy and scared all at the same time!

Today I find myself thinking....

Maybe I am pushing myself too hard. Maybe I'm just not supposed to have children. Is all this emotional stress really worth it? What if surrogacy actually doesn't work out? Then what?
Shouldn't I just be happy with the blessings that I have? My parents already have grand children. My inlaws do too. My sister will eventually have a niece or a nephew through my other sister. Maybe I'm just not supposed to have kids.
I find myself going through a lot of ups and downs lately. When I am "up" I feel like I can conquer anything. When I am "down" I feel that things are just so overwhelming. Right now I am overwhelmed.
I am a firm believer that God has a plan for my life. I think I need to reflect more in prayer and listen. Really listen.

Phew

So the CT scan results came back NORMAL!! What a relief. On to the next specialist.

DH had an amazing dream last night. He had a dream that he was holding his baby boy. He said that the baby was looking at him smiling. He said it was the most beautiful smile. I don't think he has ever told me about a dream like that. Here's hoping his dream comes true....

Things come in three's

Just had to share this. Yet another cousin of my husband is pregnant. So that makes a total of three in the past week. I think there must be some truth to that saying that things come in three's! 

I'm kinda -sorta- happy for you....

Today I found out that two of DH's cousin's wives are pregnant. It never used to affect me before - this kind of news. But in the past few months I have noticed that it does. More so because I am reminded of my own situation and really wishing that it could be me. I just can't get excited for them...I don't know why...but I just can't. I know how over the moon they must be and I don't like that I am feeling this way. How come it's so easy for some people to get pregnant? Anyway, that's my vent for now. Getting it out helps.

The Dreaded CT Scan...

Well it's done. I have been fretting about going for my CT scan for the last few days.
For those of you who don't know (all one of you who are following me right now...lol) I got my ultrasound results back last week and apparently there is a s "shadow"on my kidney. I was told that I need to get a CT scan to see what it is..if anything. DH managed to get me an appointment 9 days earlier than what was originally scheduled..thank goodness cause I would have gone nuts waiting. Anyway the CT scan is done and over with. I was so nervous going in. Just so glad it is over! Now I have to wait for the results....more waiting!