I wanted to post last week when it happened but I just couldn't get myself to write about it.
It was horrible. Our dream ripped out from right under us. It didn't really hit me the first day when it happened. I think I was in denial. It hit me the next day. I stayed in bed the entire day. I am back to that waiting space. I hate being here. Feeling like I am back to waiting for my life to begin again. I used to say that I will not let infertility define my life. But the fact is...it does. It dominates my life.
I've been feeling pretty blue. I feel sad for my baby that is gone. Trying hard to keep strong.I know I'll be fine...just have to go through the emotions.
We are going to try again with our surrogate probably late summer sometime. We have 5 frozen embryos.
Wednesday 9 May 2012
Saturday 21 April 2012
HCG Levels
So first Beta was done on Monday, April 16th, HCG Level was 1932!
Second Beta was done on Wednesday, April 18th, HCG Level was 5107!
So it looks like things are going well so far. We are going for the first ultrasound to hear the baby's heartbeat in a couple of weeks.
I am starting to get a little anxious. I have wanted this for soooo long and now its happening.
We have so many other things going on right now too. We are in the middle of selling our home. So the house has to be clean all the time due to the showings. It is so hard to keep the house looking spotless all the time...not to mention tiring. I hope it sells soon. We already purchased another home in Aurora...it is being built and will not be ready till next summer. So we will have to rent somewhere for a few months in between!grrrr.
I also need to find a dress/shoes for my sisters wedding. Thats in a couple of months in Cyprus Ahhh...vacation. 3 weeks full of sunshine. That I am looking forward to.
Second Beta was done on Wednesday, April 18th, HCG Level was 5107!
So it looks like things are going well so far. We are going for the first ultrasound to hear the baby's heartbeat in a couple of weeks.
I am starting to get a little anxious. I have wanted this for soooo long and now its happening.
We have so many other things going on right now too. We are in the middle of selling our home. So the house has to be clean all the time due to the showings. It is so hard to keep the house looking spotless all the time...not to mention tiring. I hope it sells soon. We already purchased another home in Aurora...it is being built and will not be ready till next summer. So we will have to rent somewhere for a few months in between!grrrr.
I also need to find a dress/shoes for my sisters wedding. Thats in a couple of months in Cyprus Ahhh...vacation. 3 weeks full of sunshine. That I am looking forward to.
Tuesday 10 April 2012
Is this really happening for me?
I meant to post last week about how the embryo transfer went but didnt get a chance.
DH and I produced 6 embryos that made it to the blastocyst stage. Three of which were already hatching! Having this outcome really made this last round of IVF that I had to endure worth it.
On April 3rd, at 9:30 AM, our surrogate had one amazing little embryo transferred to her. The rest were frozen. I was in the room while the transfer was done and was able to watch the whole thing on the ultrasound. It's so hard to describe the feelings that I had while this was happening...But I will try. I felt like crying at first watching her up on the bed waiting to have MY embryo transferred to her. Actually I did start tearing. I kept thinking that I wish it were me being able to carry my baby. I suddenly felt a little bit possesive of that embryo. But honestly only for a couple of minutes.My emotions quickly turned to immense gratitude and hope that this might just work. ...watching the embyo on ultrasound fall right were it was supposed to in her womb .My tears were joyful tears....this woman and I had only met six months ago yet we had come so far. I could not have asked for a better outcome. She really made this whole process easier for me...her positive attitude, her always pleasant demenor and her down to earth and genuine personality.
So now to the really great part....
On April 9th, at 6.27am in the morning I received a text from our surrogate with a picture attached.
The text said:
"What kind of work do you think you will get done today....Mom and Dad" then the picture of a very positive pee stick and then more text "Congratulations;)"
I was half asleep while reading this but figured out that this must mean that she was pregnant...I wasn't dreamimg...I had to read it over a couple of times prior to screaming and shaking my husband out of his deep sleep to say "We're having a baby" I kept repeating it, I should say screaming it until he realized what I was saying. We hugged for what seemed like forever...crying and laughing. The PURE JOY I felt is undescribable. Was it really that easy...just like that.....and end was given to our almost seven year infertility struggle?
I called our surrogate and I have no idea what I was saying...I think I was just rambling on and on and on in excitement...I honestly don't remember a word of what I told her...I am gonna have to ask her.
So....we go for the blood test this Monday...we will see what her HCG numbers are at. I'll update you next week.
So here's the thing girls......GOD IS FAITHFUL....EVERY GOOD BLESSING COMES FROM ABOVE.....NEVER GIVE UP...PERSERVERE.
DH and I produced 6 embryos that made it to the blastocyst stage. Three of which were already hatching! Having this outcome really made this last round of IVF that I had to endure worth it.
On April 3rd, at 9:30 AM, our surrogate had one amazing little embryo transferred to her. The rest were frozen. I was in the room while the transfer was done and was able to watch the whole thing on the ultrasound. It's so hard to describe the feelings that I had while this was happening...But I will try. I felt like crying at first watching her up on the bed waiting to have MY embryo transferred to her. Actually I did start tearing. I kept thinking that I wish it were me being able to carry my baby. I suddenly felt a little bit possesive of that embryo. But honestly only for a couple of minutes.My emotions quickly turned to immense gratitude and hope that this might just work. ...watching the embyo on ultrasound fall right were it was supposed to in her womb .My tears were joyful tears....this woman and I had only met six months ago yet we had come so far. I could not have asked for a better outcome. She really made this whole process easier for me...her positive attitude, her always pleasant demenor and her down to earth and genuine personality.
So now to the really great part....
On April 9th, at 6.27am in the morning I received a text from our surrogate with a picture attached.
The text said:
"What kind of work do you think you will get done today....Mom and Dad" then the picture of a very positive pee stick and then more text "Congratulations;)"
I was half asleep while reading this but figured out that this must mean that she was pregnant...I wasn't dreamimg...I had to read it over a couple of times prior to screaming and shaking my husband out of his deep sleep to say "We're having a baby" I kept repeating it, I should say screaming it until he realized what I was saying. We hugged for what seemed like forever...crying and laughing. The PURE JOY I felt is undescribable. Was it really that easy...just like that.....and end was given to our almost seven year infertility struggle?
I called our surrogate and I have no idea what I was saying...I think I was just rambling on and on and on in excitement...I honestly don't remember a word of what I told her...I am gonna have to ask her.
So....we go for the blood test this Monday...we will see what her HCG numbers are at. I'll update you next week.
So here's the thing girls......GOD IS FAITHFUL....EVERY GOOD BLESSING COMES FROM ABOVE.....NEVER GIVE UP...PERSERVERE.
Saturday 31 March 2012
Great EGGS-spectations!
So here is my update!
I had my egg retrieval done on Thursday morning. I have been in quite a bit of pain since then. My stomach is so bloated. I have terrible gas that does not seem to want to come out. If anyone has any ideas how I can get it out...DO TELL!
Anyway, back to my egg retrieval , the doctor was able to retrieve 19 eggs! They called us from the lab yesterday and told us that out of the 19 eggs, 14 were mature and out of the 14, 10 fertilized! We are so excited. So now we have to wait till Day three to see how many are on track to make it to Day 5 the blastocyst stage. I am guessing we may actually have 3 or 4 embryos!
My surrogate has been AMAZING. She has been so positive and cheerful throughout this whole process. She had to take injections and pills to get her lining to the point it has to be for the embryo transfer on Tuesday morning. I actually cannot believe we are at this point.
Even though I do not know the outcome yet, whether it works or does not work, I now God has a plan for my life and he is working everything out for my good.I am so grateful for this journey. I never thought I would say that...but it has really tought me so much. Patience, perseverance and endurance being the three key things!
Monday 13 February 2012
Secretly Hoping
I have been pretty anxious lately about this whole surrogacy thing. We meet with the DR. tomorrow.
I just don't want to go through another IVF to retrieve my eggs! But I know that if I don't then I will regret not trying this route. I just don't want to deal with the hormones, the pain. the discomfort of it all.
Part of me has been secretly hoping that I will be pregnant naturally and I won't have to go through any of it. I will pee on a stick and I will see two red lines. I will yell out from the bathroom and give my husband the great news. We will hug and cry and be excited. In that moment we will bury all our previous fertility treatments,trials and difficulties. We will resurrect all of our dreams.We will call our parents, sisters and brothers and share the good news. We will spend hours designing a nursery. We won't worry about names since we have already decided on names. OK...well you get the point.
I just don't want to go through another IVF to retrieve my eggs! But I know that if I don't then I will regret not trying this route. I just don't want to deal with the hormones, the pain. the discomfort of it all.
Part of me has been secretly hoping that I will be pregnant naturally and I won't have to go through any of it. I will pee on a stick and I will see two red lines. I will yell out from the bathroom and give my husband the great news. We will hug and cry and be excited. In that moment we will bury all our previous fertility treatments,trials and difficulties. We will resurrect all of our dreams.We will call our parents, sisters and brothers and share the good news. We will spend hours designing a nursery. We won't worry about names since we have already decided on names. OK...well you get the point.
Thursday 9 February 2012
It's been a while since I've blogged..
The last two months have been a bit crazy for me. A lot going on. 2012 is actually gearing up to be a very busy year.
So I have my appointment with Dr.Virro along with our surrogate on Feb 14th. We should have an idea then of how everything is going to work. I am not looking forward to taking all the medication for IVF again. But at the same time I am willing to go through this again for the possibility of having our own biological child. I am so fearful that our embryos will not implant in our surrogate mother. I really want this to work. My mom will be coming in March to stay with me for a couple of months while I got though everything. I am so grateful for that. At least I will have meals cooked when I get home from work. I won't have to think about grocery shopping and cooking!
We just bought a new home in Aurora...right next to my sisters. It's a new development so it won't be ready till June 2013. We felt it was time for a change. So now our home is up for sale. It's funny cause I am having conflicting feelings about selling. I feel like I am letting go of the dreams that I attached to our home for the last 8 years. Dreams that didn't all come to fruitiion. The yard we have is quite big and we always thought we'd have our kids running around there...with swing sets, slides, back yard birthday parties...the list goes on ..
My youngest sister is getting married in June of this year...so there are preparations under way for that as well. We will be gone for almost four weeks...cant wait to go ..sunshine and beach...just the thought of it makes me feel good.
Well I'll post again after my appointment on Tuesday morning...let you know how it all that goes.
So I have my appointment with Dr.Virro along with our surrogate on Feb 14th. We should have an idea then of how everything is going to work. I am not looking forward to taking all the medication for IVF again. But at the same time I am willing to go through this again for the possibility of having our own biological child. I am so fearful that our embryos will not implant in our surrogate mother. I really want this to work. My mom will be coming in March to stay with me for a couple of months while I got though everything. I am so grateful for that. At least I will have meals cooked when I get home from work. I won't have to think about grocery shopping and cooking!
We just bought a new home in Aurora...right next to my sisters. It's a new development so it won't be ready till June 2013. We felt it was time for a change. So now our home is up for sale. It's funny cause I am having conflicting feelings about selling. I feel like I am letting go of the dreams that I attached to our home for the last 8 years. Dreams that didn't all come to fruitiion. The yard we have is quite big and we always thought we'd have our kids running around there...with swing sets, slides, back yard birthday parties...the list goes on ..
My youngest sister is getting married in June of this year...so there are preparations under way for that as well. We will be gone for almost four weeks...cant wait to go ..sunshine and beach...just the thought of it makes me feel good.
Well I'll post again after my appointment on Tuesday morning...let you know how it all that goes.
Wednesday 14 December 2011
My best friend's phone call
It's been a while since I've blogged. This last month has been insanely busy. It's only gonna get busier.
So yesterday I received a phone call from my best friend. She lives abroad. We talked for about 1/2 an hour, before she let out the following words.."I'm pregnant". I can't say I was surprised because she has also struggled for years to carry a baby. She has had several miscarriages and finally she is over four months pregnant. I was actually surprised by the emotions that I felt. I felt a little sting from the words at first. But then I felt this amazing feeling of how happy I was for her. God had given her a blessing. She had always remained positive and had faith that this would eventually happen for her. She is so positive that God will not leave me without a family of my own as well. It's incredible how strong she has been. She gave me hope yesterday.
So here's the wierd thing....two weeks ago I had a dream that her and I were walking down a path that led to a beautiful lake...she was holding a newborn baby boy. In my dream I asked her who's baby is that? And she said "it's my baby". We got to the lake and went swimming.
It turns out she had her ultrasound and they told her she is having a baby boy!
So yesterday I received a phone call from my best friend. She lives abroad. We talked for about 1/2 an hour, before she let out the following words.."I'm pregnant". I can't say I was surprised because she has also struggled for years to carry a baby. She has had several miscarriages and finally she is over four months pregnant. I was actually surprised by the emotions that I felt. I felt a little sting from the words at first. But then I felt this amazing feeling of how happy I was for her. God had given her a blessing. She had always remained positive and had faith that this would eventually happen for her. She is so positive that God will not leave me without a family of my own as well. It's incredible how strong she has been. She gave me hope yesterday.
So here's the wierd thing....two weeks ago I had a dream that her and I were walking down a path that led to a beautiful lake...she was holding a newborn baby boy. In my dream I asked her who's baby is that? And she said "it's my baby". We got to the lake and went swimming.
It turns out she had her ultrasound and they told her she is having a baby boy!
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