Great EGGS-spectations!

So here is my update!

I had my egg retrieval done on Thursday morning.  I have been in  quite a bit of pain since then. My stomach is so bloated. I have terrible gas that does not seem to want to come out. If anyone has any ideas how I can get it out...DO TELL!

Anyway, back to my egg retrieval , the doctor was able to retrieve 19 eggs! They called us from the lab yesterday and told us that out of the 19 eggs, 14 were mature and out of the 14, 10 fertilized! We are so excited. So now we have to wait till Day three to see how many are on track to make it to Day 5 the blastocyst stage. I am guessing we may actually have 3 or 4 embryos!

My surrogate has been AMAZING. She has been so positive and cheerful throughout this whole process. She had to take injections and pills to get her lining to the point it has to be for the embryo transfer on Tuesday morning. I actually cannot believe we are at this point. 

Even though I do not know the outcome yet, whether it works or does not work, I now God has a plan for my life and he is working everything out for my good.I am so grateful for this journey. I never thought I would say that...but it has really tought me so much. Patience, perseverance and endurance being the three  key things! 

Secretly Hoping

I have been pretty anxious lately about this whole surrogacy thing. We meet with the DR. tomorrow.
I just don't want to go through another IVF to retrieve my eggs! But I know that if I don't then I will regret not trying this route. I just don't want to deal with the hormones, the pain. the discomfort of it all.
Part of me has been secretly hoping that I will be pregnant naturally and I won't have to go through any of it. I will pee on a stick and I will see two red lines. I will yell out from the bathroom and give my husband the great news. We will hug and cry and be excited. In that moment we will bury all our previous fertility treatments,trials and difficulties. We will resurrect all of our dreams.We will call our parents, sisters and brothers and share the good news. We will spend hours designing a nursery. We won't worry about names since we have already decided on names. OK...well you get the point.

It's been a while since I've blogged..

The last two months have been a bit crazy for me. A lot going on. 2012 is actually gearing up to be a very busy year.

So I have my appointment with Dr.Virro along with our surrogate on Feb 14th. We should have an idea then of how everything is going to work. I am not looking forward to taking all the medication for IVF again. But at the same time I am willing to go through this again for the possibility of having our own biological child. I am so fearful that our embryos will not implant in our surrogate mother. I really want this to work. My mom will be coming in March to stay with me for a couple of months while I got though everything. I am so grateful for that. At least I will have meals cooked when I get home from work. I won't have to think about grocery shopping and cooking!

We just bought a new home in Aurora...right next to my sisters. It's a new development so it won't be ready till June 2013. We felt it was time for a change. So now our home is up for sale. It's funny cause I am having conflicting feelings about selling. I feel like I am letting go of the dreams that I attached to our home for the last 8 years. Dreams that didn't all come to fruitiion. The yard we have is quite big and we always thought we'd have our kids running around there...with swing sets, slides, back yard birthday parties...the list goes on ..

My youngest sister is getting married in June of this year...so there are preparations under way for that as well. We will be gone for almost four weeks...cant wait to go ..sunshine and beach...just the thought of it makes me feel good.

Well I'll post again after my appointment on Tuesday morning...let you know how it all that goes.

My best friend's phone call

It's been a while since I've blogged. This last month has been insanely busy. It's only gonna get busier.
So yesterday I received a phone call from my best friend. She lives abroad. We talked for about 1/2 an hour, before she let out the following words.."I'm pregnant". I can't say I was surprised because she has also struggled for years to carry a baby. She has had several miscarriages and finally she is over four months pregnant. I was actually surprised by the emotions that I felt. I felt a little sting from the words at first. But then I felt this amazing feeling of how happy I was for her. God had given her a blessing. She had always remained positive and had faith that this would eventually happen for her. She is so positive that God will not leave me without a family of my own as well. It's incredible how strong she has been. She gave me hope yesterday.
So here's the wierd thing....two weeks ago I had a dream that her and I were walking down a path that led to a beautiful lake...she was holding a newborn baby boy. In my dream I asked her who's baby is that? And she said "it's my baby". We got to the lake and went swimming.
It turns out she had her ultrasound and they told her she is having a baby boy!

Good News. No, not that kind of good news.lol

I received a great email last night.
For those of you who don't know, I have been corresponding via email with a potentional gestational carrier. We have developed a great relationship thus far over email. After receiving the green light from her doctor on the 15th, she has confirmed to me that she is able to move forward with being our gestational carrier! This will not be happening till April of next year. Things are looking positive. There are a lot of details to go through now..but one step at a time. It's wierd... I feel happy and scared all at the same time!

Today I find myself thinking....

Maybe I am pushing myself too hard. Maybe I'm just not supposed to have children. Is all this emotional stress really worth it? What if surrogacy actually doesn't work out? Then what?
Shouldn't I just be happy with the blessings that I have? My parents already have grand children. My inlaws do too. My sister will eventually have a niece or a nephew through my other sister. Maybe I'm just not supposed to have kids.
I find myself going through a lot of ups and downs lately. When I am "up" I feel like I can conquer anything. When I am "down" I feel that things are just so overwhelming. Right now I am overwhelmed.
I am a firm believer that God has a plan for my life. I think I need to reflect more in prayer and listen. Really listen.

Phew

So the CT scan results came back NORMAL!! What a relief. On to the next specialist.

DH had an amazing dream last night. He had a dream that he was holding his baby boy. He said that the baby was looking at him smiling. He said it was the most beautiful smile. I don't think he has ever told me about a dream like that. Here's hoping his dream comes true....